is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
It was confusing and full of hummus
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
