I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
