It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
