if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
