Nicole vs. Life
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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