I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
