How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
