All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
