Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
