you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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