He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
