He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I cockslap morals
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
