so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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