I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
