There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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