Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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