So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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