Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
