you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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