This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
