I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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