Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
