If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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