I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
