He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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