My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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