shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
