I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
