There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Randomize
