Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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