So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
