the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He has the fingertips of a God
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
