Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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