Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
