Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
