we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
