next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
