Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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