I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
