I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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