My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I am one with the molecules
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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