Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
