I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize