Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
