I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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