it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
