I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I wish i was in the wii world.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
