dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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