11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
