I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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