she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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